Purpose

It's been a while, but here is my 10"x 10" drawing that I started LAST YEAR! I was determined to finish a bigger piece, and not let it collect dust like so many other projects I start.  It's been a practice in patience, perseverance, and acceptance.

This drawing holds quite a bit of meaning.  While working on it, so many emotions came out of me, and I learned some things.  Some of the questions I had while working through this piece were, "What is my purpose?"
"How can I fully accept myself for who I am?"
"How do others perceive me?"

My main role is being a mother, who inspires her children to fully accept themselves as they are, and to follow their dreams.  In doing so, I learned to do the same for myself.  It's all about belief.  I believe that my kids are Rock STARS, dancers, singers, artists.  The ones who will change the world for the better!

I'm a wife to an insanely smart, talented, and handsome guy. Sometimes I still have a tough time accepting that he actually likes me.  Every day he shows me unconditional love.  From him, I've learned what love is on a level that I didn't know existed.

I'm an artist.  I love designing things. I love drawing, and playing music.  Out of all the art forms that I've learned, drawing brings me to my happy place.  It's the place where I feel the most freedom.  The most loud, yet quiet all in the same instance.  It's the place where I say there are no mistakes.  No reason for complete perfection.  Here, I am fluid, and exactly me.

Most of my life I've struggled to accept myself for who I am.  I've always felt like I didn't know who I was at times, and doubted my gut instincts. Doubt has been working it's way out of me as I learn to let go of perfection, and to let myself be completely vulnerable, where I once stood with a mask. As doubt leaves, it hurts.  Sometimes it's so much so, that you just want to lie there and move no further.  It's fine to rest for a while, but if you stay too long, doubt likes to be sneaky and creep back in.  Punch doubt in the throat, because doubt lies, and gains when you succumb to it's pain.

Making friends and socializing has been a big thing for me lately.  I know, it seems ridiculous at my age, but so what.  It's fine.  I've had a few relationships where I put so much so much of myself out there, and was just left hanging.  I didn't do so well with that.  It made it hard for me to fully reach out to people, or to trust that everything would be okay when I let my guard down.  Now I know.  It doesn't matter.  Put yourself out there.  Those that love you stand by you.  Those that don't stick around, at least they've taught me a thing or two.  Hopefully I've done the same for them.  I now don't worry so much, have fun, let go of what people think, and just let them in.

Now I am able to see that every interaction, whether it feels good, or bad is all part of a bigger picture.  It's a picture that you can't see all of at the moment, but it still turns out to be perfection in the very end if you can see it for what it truly is.

 My heart is fully open, and accepting of life, love and purpose.

I accept myself and my imperfections.  I present myself to you, as I am.  My mess.  My healing journey through art, and my love.